Remember awhile ago when I said I’d be trying this? Well, it’s finally time to get started. Why start in August 31? Why not wait until September 1st? Because then I’ll say “Oh, I can just wait and start on my birthday” then “October 1st sounds good.” In short, because I’ll put it off unless I start now.
Anxiety and anticipation are very tied-together in my life. I get anxious about things in anticipation of them going badly. I fear the worst. If Matt’s running late at work and I can’t get a hold of him via phone, I fear he’s gotten in a horrible accident and at a hospital with a chart labeled Jon Doe beacuse he can’t tell anyone what his name is. When I’m running a few seconds late to a meeting I think I’m going to get a letter in my file about tardiness.
Yes, I’ve seen a shrink about this. Things improved greatly and I no longer see him (though he’s on call if it’s ever necessary). I learned relaxation excercises, how to explain to myself the incorrect logic of my thoughts, and how to just put the worry on hold and get on with my life.
I’m about to start school again and I’m terrified. I fear I’ll not find my classes, not get a parking space, slip and fall into a pile of mud, chatter on to someone who really doesn’t want to talk to me, get C’s (or worse), hate my teachers, etc. But things will be fine in a few weeks. I’ll settle into my new schedule, meet people in classes, and learn how to excel in each class. I’ll still worry about test scores and getting homework done but this big wave of anxiety will pass shortly. I’m just going to be a nervous wreck until then.















