I’m a perfectionist to a point. I will demand aboslute perfection until a sudden moment when I arbetrarily decide that it’s never going to be perfect and therefore, why bother to continue trying. It’s a constantly struggle to not only keep myself from demanding perfection from others but also to force myself to work past the point where I would usually like to quit. The choices are not perfection or utter failure, there is a gray area in between where my work resides and, should I continue to allow things to fall down the failure hole, I’ll never be able to achieve anything even close to perfect. I have to learn to stop giving up, to stop saying “eh, good enough” and to really focus on achieving the level of quality that’s required. Nothing more, nothing less.

Thankfully, my particular brand of perfectionism doesn’t effect my work (or, previously, school work) because I’ve learned how to tune it in, so to speak. Where I know I am being “graded,” I can easily will myself to do more, to work harder, to push through barriers. I do first drafts of work products quickly but have learned to always double-check my work, ask superiors if I’m headed in the right direction, and always do one last revision before it heads out the door. I have found my perfectionist happy place, you could call it.

That said, I have never been a perfectionist when it comes to my crafting. In knitting, a stitch extra or short doesn’t cause me to rip back a row unless it’s obvious that the pattern is no longer lining up or is otherwise noticeable by a non-knitter. In sewing, a straight-ish line has been acceptible. I tell myself “You know what, it’s just your craft, it’ll be fine. No one will notice.” Yes, it’s healthy to not push yourself to the edge over craft, but sometimes quality control really is needed. All of those “only one sitch off” and “just a bit off 1/4″ seams” add up over time, often leading to a product that doesn’t fit or I won’t use or is already falling apart.

It’s all about the geometry of the thing. Everything is set up to require some level of precision and accuracy. In quilting, you’ll never get to that 12″ block if you cut your center the incorrect size or if your seams are all off. A few millimeters, that will probably be ok but any more and it just won’t work. A 3″ square needs to be 3″ and actually square, not square-ish. You’ll just waste fabric and time and be aggravated at the of the day.

Crafting is supposed to make you happy.  While the main reason I craft is to have a creative outlet that channels my stress, I cannot ignore the fact that I do it to show off. A giant pile of failures (true failures not “this doesn’t look quite right” failures) and I lose part of the reason I worked on those projects in the first place.

So, I think quilting will save me from myself. It will force me to try to be more precise in my craft and, eventually, lead me to be happier with the things I produce. No more spending weeks to make something I will never use, that I throw in a trunk in the basement, embarassed at its existance.

I’ve walked away from quitling twice in my life. Once from fear of being seen as the crazy fabric lady (jus before Matt and I got married) and the other because I was failing at it and couldn’t take being reminded of it anymore. There won’t be a third time.

That’s not to say I won’t walk away temporarily but deciding to quit, throwing out all of my WIPs, and selling/donating my supplies. I won’t let it happen. I have too much invested.

Yesterday, I picked up a couple of yards of fabric along with a new cutting mat, rotary cutter, and quilter’s square. I spent a full three hours slowly, carefully cutting the pieces for just a handful of quilt blocks then sewed up as much as I could. I took breaks, I checked my cuts, I even redid one seam three times so it was correct. I’m already feeling better about it.